A New Greek Myth and a Tall Tale

Ares Robertson

A New Greek Myth

In all of ancient Greek myths, no mortal was more sly or cunning than the infamous bandit, Idomeus. It was said that the God of Greed, Avarus, impressed by his misdoings, bestowed Idomeus with the power to transform into a black panther and he would terrorize and plunder villages and cities. His power gave him a dark, menacing aura comparable to a hungry black panther. With this power, he would conquer the ancient towns and cities and steal all of the Earth’s riches. 

One day, he overheard some tree nymphs discussing two very interesting items: a satchel of infinite riches, and an amulet that makes all women infatuated with the wearer. Idomeus asked the nymphs where one would find the items, and they told him in the Hall of Forbidden Treasures on Olympus. Idomeus traveled to Olympus in the night, and stole the satchel and amulet while the Gods were asleep, but as he was about to exit the Gods’ domain, he accidentally awoke Zeus’ hawk, and the hawk attacked Idomeus, which caused him to break the amulet and spill the bag of infinite riches onto the Earth. Upon discovering this, the Gods decided to return the stolen items, and punished Idomeus by imprisoning him in the satchel, where he would spend eternity trying not to drown in the infinite sea of riches. 


A Tall Tale

When you think of the tallest person to ever exist? Some may resort to google and say “Robert Wadlow.” Apparently, the man measured a staggering 8’11” and had to consume 8000 calories daily. Some may resort to the biblical Og, King of Bashan, allegedly 16’2”. But these claims don’t have scientific backing. Believe it or not, the tallest man to ever exist lives underground! I’ve seen it. He is the reason the earth quakes. All this talk about tectonic plates shifting, BUT WHO IS SHIFTING THE PLATES? The behemoth, that’s who. His head…I saw it while out fishing near the Galapagos Islands. It was poking out of the water on the horizon, and he looked at my ship and gave us the most horrendous, tooth grin. And then he plummeted back into the deepest depths of the ocean, probably off to the massive underwater caves he resides in. I’ll never forget that smile…it was a sight of nightmares.